so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
