sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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