Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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