he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize