Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
