I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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