my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize