i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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