I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
