do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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