meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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