seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
