first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
