White coat. Heels.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
