nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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