I hope mine doesn't look like that
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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