I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize