yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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