I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no, he came in my armpit
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
