Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
