She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
