were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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