Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
