One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to align my fucking chakras
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
