Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
