He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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