Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
