I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
