It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
