Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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