singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
