THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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