whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
