I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
