I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
