You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
operation harelip BJ is a go
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
