Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
