How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize