THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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