I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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