Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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