I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
