woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone came in the potted fern
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
