Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
