i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
