I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
