I'm passing your future prison.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
