i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
