Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
