When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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