Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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