What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
