we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
