WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
