I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
