even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
