if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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