Non-Jews are for practice
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
