were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize