I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
