so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
