hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
