Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice