i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.