highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out