I am puke
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
