Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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