Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
