i barfeds in our rink
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
