Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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