She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
