It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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