Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
