the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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