he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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