So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
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It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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