11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
