I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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