i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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