I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
