The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
