can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
