I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
