Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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